Collectivism vs. Individualism W06 2.10.22

When I was in middle school at one point, I had a church leader give a lesson in which she brought in different types of tiling. Some of the tiles were the same material all the way through, though most of them had some sort of veneer of mere millimeters on top of some cheap, bright orange, synthetic material. The lesson was to bring to our awareness our actions and remind us to be like the pure tile that was the same all the way through; that is, to be the same person no matter where or what kind of situation we were in. 

It's interesting to think now about what it means to be the same person wherever I find myself, especially when culture is considered. I think about cultures that are different than my own; those with lower tolerances for emotional expressivity; those with different social paradigms; I think about those whose culture relies more on collectivism than individualism. Does being the same person wherever I find myself have some exceptions? Is it easier for me to do so in my individualistic society and what would a collective society think of such an idea?

I've discovered that I largely grew up in a mixed culture; as far as being myself and pursuing my aspirations, or standing out from the crowd, I have always been encouraged by my family and teachers and other mentors to do so... at least in word. I think Americans think generally and are considered to be a more individualistic culture, but when I consider some of my personal experiences as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and also being a woman, it becomes apparent that Americans are, in many ways, individualistic in word but collective in deed.

In June of 2020, I shaved my head.

Before 

After

There were a lot of reasons that influenced my decision, but mostly it came from having wanted to do it since childhood and making a quick decision when presented with a pair of clippers. I had always been encouraged to do my own thing, to be my own person, but the backlash I experienced was honestly quite unexpected.

As much as I love my family, they were apathetic, if not negative about the news. My mother was shocked and had to grieve the loss of my hair; my coworkers questioned whether my hair was in regulation with the "natural style" rule. I had people I hadn't spoken to in years message me on Facebook and ask about my sexuality and gender identity. It was seriously the weirdest thing and caught me so off guard because I had always been told to do what I wanted! To style myself how I pleased, to do what made me happy and yet? These same people who had told me all these things seemed to be so upset now that I had made this change to my appearance; something that didn't actually affect their daily lives in any way whatsoever.

The biggest backlash I received was from the South and Central Americans I had met on my mission who were just absolutely mortified that I would cut my hair and commented on my photos with crying emojis and reacted with 'sad' or 'angry.' Though I wasn't extremely surprised by this as long hair is very admired in South American culture, I never imagined the upheaval that shaving my head would cause in the US, a place that is supposedly individualistic. 

Looking back on this experience leaves me wondering whether there really does exist some utopic individualism at all, or whether we all fall into some culture of collectivism. Where are the limits set on each of our societies? Two years before shaving my head, I cut my hair to be about jaw length, which still received criticism from my South American friends, but was adored by my North American friends.

 

Before 

After

 

Is there a cap on each of our individualistic views? A point at which all of us eventually subconsciously become a part of the group; the collective? And to my original point, in more collective societies, are people truly being encouraged to be who they are wherever they are? Or do we find ourselves building up bright orange to try to fit the visible mold? 

Maybe the truth is that our muted tile veneers are simply a façade; maybe we're all a little brighter orange than we believe, and maybe that's not such a bad thing.