Differences in Personal Space W06 2.12.22
I personally have never been a very touchy person. I am very specific and careful about who I let into my personal space and at what point in our relationship. I am known for taking a long time before feeling comfortable hugging a new friend, and for openly asking people to step away from me. In this sense, COVID-19 has been an incredible scapegoat for me. I no longer feel like I'm offending people by asking them to stay out of my personal bubble, but have a legitimate reason to maintain a good amount of space between me and others.
But, as vaccines have been introduced and people have felt more confident entering others' personal space again, I've found myself learning more and more about other cultures as well as myself.
I am fortunate to work for a globally known company that practices tolerance and inclusivity and as such, I get to work with both employees and customers from a huge range of different backgrounds. One of the most noticeable differences between these people is their need for personal space.
I live and work in Texas, a southern state known for its tolerance of emotional expressivity, but I am originally from Colorado, a more central state with markedly less tolerance of emotional expressivity. I often find at work that the locals stand closer to me than I would like. It's to the point that I subconsciously mentally prepare myself before each customer interaction, and I've found that I do it even more with people from different cultures. If I hear customers speaking an Asian language from afar, I prepare myself to have my personal space invaded. I know this is a subconscious act on their part and not one of malice, but it does make me wonder about the human ability to change, and if these instincts can be altered over time or depending upon circumstances.
My dream is to teach English in Asia at some point, but I am well aware of the Asian culture's propensity to stand closer than I am used to. Whether I am prepared or not, I almost always find my heartrate increasing and likely have a burst of adrenaline that I don't necessarily consciously notice. Studies have shown that animals forced to live too close to each other often die early as a result of overactive adrenal glands; can the same be true for humans? Is this instinct as specific as a wildebeest's that can be measured to the meter? After being conditioned to require a certain amount of personal space, how simple is it to change?
I even find sometimes with my close friends that if my affective filter is high, I won't even allow them near me. Can we change our physiology and re-condition ourselves to react differently to stimuli and more specifically, to create different personal space needs? Perhaps more important than changing ourselves is understanding ourselves and understanding others to the extent that our differences are no longer perceived as negative or offensive, but a part of the charm of our culture.
Elizabeth, those are wonderful questions that you have put forward and ones that will take some work and obvious effort to come to any measurable conclusion of just how they will impact us and change us over time.
ReplyDeleteAs customer service reps and teachers, we must understand and accept that we will many times get invaded, by others who are culturally unaware or just do not give the process a second thought. We have to realize that this will be part of the job.
Hi Elizabeth. I agree with Patrick, you have asked some thought provoking questions. I'll share one of my experiences. As a teenager, I had what I'll label a neurosis. I could not stand to be touched by hardly anyone. My family was not affectionate so there was no problem there. In my HS psychology class we were at flat-top tables that seated four students side-by-side. The boy to my left had no apparent idea that people had personal bubbles. I cringed daily as his elbow touched me; I couldn't shrink enough to avoid him, especially with another student on my right. Of course, I did have a situational allowance for my boyfriend, whom I ended up marrying. Then, as an adult convert living in South Carolina, there were two elderly people who greeted everyone who entered the chapel. Brother Martin simply offered his hand for a shake, but the sister (I can't remember her last name) always stretched out her arms to hug each person entering. I felt that it would have been disrespectful to refuse her a hug so I began allowing it. With practice, it became easier. I think it also helped that I had six girls who needed hugs and love. They had friends who needed love and acceptance. Practice, practice. Plus, learning the gospel and living it taught me to see others with love and to want them to feel loved. Thirty years after that high school psychology class, I am the one that my daughter prepared her soon to be fiancé to meet, telling him, "My mom is going to hug you when she meets you." It happened for me with a change of heart.
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